Live.Laugh.Love.Praise

2010-07-17T10:09:00.002-04:00

So I am back in the states (for now at least) and it is quite bitter sweet to be home. I love my family and my friends but I also loved India. I didn't realize it while I was there, but now that I'm back it seems like I am a little out of place. I can talk about my experience with people but no one will really understand, with good reason, they weren't there. The only way anyone would truly understand is if they were walking with me and my teammates on a daily basis.

The spiritual warfare was intense over there, frankly too intense to describe. The enemy reveals himself in very obvious ways, ways not usually found in the states. Here he works with subtly. "Just do it." "It's really not that big of a deal." "Seriously, you're worried about this?" Deception is his craft. As believers, we know this. We know that he is the father of lies and he is here to steal, kill, and destroy. But here I don't think we are as sensitive to it as we should be. Here we are tricked and deceived on a daily basis, with little things. Little bits of our sinful nature that creep up like a cockroach to bits of food on the floor; quickly scurrying in with one goal, to steal what isn't his. The roach roams freely in the darkness knowing that he won't be found, because in the darkness we are blinded. In the darkness we are bits of food waiting to be swallowed. But when the light is turned on, darkness flees and so does the roach, for in the light, darkness cannot survive, and the enemy is exposed.

One thing I have realized since I have been home is the importance of the ability to realize the areas in my life that are footholds for the enemy. What am I getting lazy about that the enemy is preparing to pounce on? Where do I need to ask God to shine light? I have heard from my peers that when you ask God to reveal this to you, He does and you might be shocked by the outcome. Frankly, I would rather be shocked and moving toward repair, than blissfully ignorant, breaking more and more with every step.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalms 51:10

The blind will see.

2010-06-17T08:22:00.002-04:00

My heart was broken the other day. We traveled to a village that we will call Chicken Parmesan for now. We met with a family that I may have mentioned before, but if not I will provide a quick summary.... The woman that lives here suffered the loss of her husband and now she lives with her 4 children and her mother-in-law who is blind. Well we were talking to this family and storying with them, telling them stories about healing. We asked them how we could lift them up and they began talking about how hard it has been since the husband passed. The blind woman's daughter was talking about her brothers tragic death and the blind woman began to sob. She was heart broken by the loss and she was searching for comfort and some sign that everything would be alright. Because His will is so sovereign, He provided the words she needed right then to give comfort and hope. As we were talking to her I glanced over at the widow. I saw emptiness in her eyes. She too was searching for something. She looked numb with grief. The picture of the blind woman sobbing and the empty eyes of the widow will be forever burned in my soul.

Today we traveled to the same village and again visited this family. But this time there was the sweet aroma of grief lifting and hearts being healed. The past couple times we visited the widows house she was not as welcoming as the rest of her family, with good reason. If I lost my husband tragically I wouldn't want random foreigners coming to my home either. But today when we walked in, she smiled. She looked happy and gave us hugs! I was astonished! We told them that today we were coming to lift them up and we would be back Tuesday to story. So we lifted them up and when we were finished the blind woman spoke the only English words she knew. She said "I love you." She said it several times and as she did she hugged us and touched our faces to get a mental picture of us. I was in tears.

He is so good.

Sowing seeds.

2010-06-11T04:36:00.006-04:00

I am not quite sure how to start this entry. The Father has shown me so much this week that i cannot even begin to explain it all. But alas, i will try...

Sowing seeds can be rough sometimes. Monday we went to a village that had previously been very responsive to the stories that we told, but this week we got a very different response. The seed that we through out fell on soil that was too hard to break through. The seeds were just picked up but the birds as soon as they were spread. It was quite frustrating. We thought this family was ready, but we were wrong. So after leaving we were a bit discouraged.

Tuesday came and we traveled to a different village. As we storied with Rukshana' family and friends, they seemed to be listening but the enemy knew what was happening and the seeds that were sown were choked by weeds and thorn bushes. We faced a wave of adversity from one thorn in particular. While we were sharing at this house you could feel the presence of evil lurking all around like a tiger hungry for prey. We pleaded with the Father asking Him to break down the hold of the enemy on this place.

Once we left we went to another house in the same village. We were begging that they Father's Spirit would poor over the house like a rushing waterfall, and He definitely did. We told them the story of creation and the story of disobedience and something clicked. The spirit was there in a mighty way. We shared and shared and shared. We explained who the Son was and how He sacrificed Himself for us and all of a sudden Meentar, the maternal leader of the family, said she felt a tugging on her heart and that she knew what she had to do. That day she chose to follow the Father! And it was not only her that decided. A woman who had never heard the story of the Son, or even heard His name, decided to believe and follow Him as well!!! What a day of spiritual roller coasters! We taught them how to talk to the Father and what it means to only follow Him and they understood and believed. It was incredible. The seed that was sown landed on fertile soil and it is growing as we speak. The buds of beautiful flowers are popping up in abundance and we can't wait to go back and share some more true stories with them.

Wednesday we went to different village than we did on Monday. This village is named Kakoda. There we met a family that at first seemed to be intrigued by the stories but we soon realized that they were more interested in learning about culture in America than learning about the Word. We tried every tactic to get the conversation back to Him but every time the enemy distracted them with the questions about what life is like were we live. It was more sad than frustrating because the Word of the Father is so much more important than what Americans do for fun. Sometimes when this happens, I want to just stand up and yell "IT'S NOT ABOUT ME, IT'S ABOUT THE FATHER AND WHAT HE HAS DONE AND WHO HE IS! WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?" So, yet again they seed fell on hard soil and was picked up and eaten by the life of an American. We finished that day with a sliver of hope that maybe another family will invite us in and let us share. We are hopeful because He grants us the desires of our hearts and we desire people who are ready to come to the Father.

Thursday we traveled back to the village we went to on Tuesday and this time we had people back home lifting this village up at the exact moment we arrived. We had our game faces on ready for the blows that the enemy would throw. We first went to Rukshana's house, the place where we faced a lot of adversity on Tuesday, and began storying. At first things were going okay and more and more people came to the house. Then the same thorn that choked the seed on Tuesday came back ready for a fight. So we storied and then asked if they had any questions. Almost immediately the thorn started to debate and refute everything that we said. She was very adamant in saying that we have our beliefs and they have theirs and we shouldn't be there. We continued asking questions to the family and she continued to debate. I looked to my right and standing at the door was a man who looked very very angry. All at once I felt the evil that had overtaken the thorn. The man met my gaze and I knew who it was. At that moment I began to talk to the Father and asked for His Spirit to intervene and choke the enemy. In a flash the man was gone and someone called the thorns name and she was gone. Suddenly I felt calm and peace had entered the house and in that moment I remembered the verse "What then shall we say? If our God is for us, who is against us?" Rukshana who had been listening intently to the story decided that she wanted to take us to another house so that we could story with a newly married woman. So we went, we storied and we lifted her up to the Father. You could see in her eyes that she was ready for the Word. We plan on going back next week to water the seed that the Father allowed us to plant. After that another woman, a friend of Rukshana's who followed us to the newly weds house, wanted us to go and meet another woman who was recently widowed. She has 4 small children and is worried about their well being. Her mother in law lives with her and she is blind. So we lifted them up and we plan to go back next week and story with them as well.

Finally we made it to Meentar's house and we checked on them to see how they are doing with their decision to follow the Father. They were worried because the enemy was whispering in their ears. They knew they wanted to follow the Father but they were just fighting the battle that we faced when we first decided to follow Him. We explained the presence of good and evil and we shared some words of encouragement and they are excited to hear more about the Father. We gave them copies of the Word and I can't wait to see what the Father does through this family.

Now back up to Tuesday night with me.... are you there? Good. We went to an authentic Indian wedding and it was an experience to say the least. There were about 400 people from different villages dancing and laughing but quickly the attention turned from the festivities of the wedding to the 5 Americans that just walked in. We were shuffled around from here to there meeting the whole family. It was an experience to say the least.

Well there you have it. I hope that you will be praying for these families and all that we are doing here for the Kingdom.

In His name.

He loves us. Oh how he loves us... all of us.

2010-06-06T03:44:00.002-04:00

There is truly nothing like language. It is something that we all have but is different for everyone. Have you ever experienced hearing your favorite song in a different language? It is strange at first but you find yourself singing along in your native tongue. I experienced that today. We met today with some believers today at a school and the leaders started singing a popular song that I have heard a million times in the states. Hearing it in Hindi was incredible. I truly felt the Father there and moving in their language as well as mine. I got chills. When everything comes to an end and we all return to our Father, we are going to be united in Him. The language barrier will not be an issue. He understands all languages. He will be made famous in every tongue throughout the world. That is so exciting!

I just thought I would share that with you.

In His name.

Namaste!!

2010-06-03T08:51:00.002-04:00

Finally, a few minutes to sit down and write. It feels so good. So i am finally here and i love it. we are in he city of Meerut which is in the state Uttar Pradesh. So far we have been trained and sent out to our respective villages. This village is quite different than Dehli in that it has a lot more neighborhood areas. and they are beautiful. the place we are staying has monkeys that roam freely on the roof tops of houses. It is crazy but i love it. since i have been in Meerut we have traveled to 3 different villages surround Meerut. when i say traveled i don't mean just by bus. We have ridden rickshaws, bull carts (a cart that is usually used to carry large goods and crops that is literally pulled by a cow, buffalo or bull), tractors, buses, autos (basically a rickshaw that holds more people and is gas powered), the back of a truck with a canopy and wooden slats for sitting, and mostly by our own 2 feet! Our first day out exploring, we walked about 5 miles in over 100 degree weather. The next day was about the same. Today we were lucky and only walked about 2 or 3. Despite the hot weather and the dust, i love it. I have not had this feeling of joy and excitement since i was in Peru. I would not choose to be anywhere else this summer. The beach can not compare to the true beauty of India. The Indian people are so welcoming and loving. Every family that invited us in while we were traveling through the villages gave us a place to rest, gave us water and food, and allowed us to explore their lives. They let us tell them stories and were very receptive. I can not wait to travel more and tell more stories. It humbles me to see their faces light up when we tell them the stories and they understand and apply them to their own life. This summer i will be working with the same 2- 4 villages every week. The families are getting to know us on a personal level and we are getting to know them. My partners and I are getting along nicely and our supervisors are amazing. I am so thankful for them.

I hope that I can update my blog again soon. Here are some ways you can lift me and my teammates up:

Our health: each of us have been sick at least twice.
The people of India that we are meeting, specifically Pushpa, Beena, Meenir, Washu, and Kushi.

I love all of you and I miss you.

Dead Bodies, Strike, LUCHO!!!!

2008-07-05T14:20:00.002-04:00

questionable title....

so since my last post and since i arrived on Tuesday morning from Lima, again, a lot has happened...

the other night (Wednesday to be exact) we had a church service like we usually do. so we are sitting there and after like 15 minutes it ends. we were like "what the crap?" so we ask Julio what was going on and he says that there is someone that is goes to the church who has kind of fallen off the wagon and we were going to have the rest of the service and there house. so we were like ok that's pretty cool of them. well we walked through the plaza and down to the persons house. there we about 35 people in an area smaller than a 2 car garage. so we, being Americans, were told to sit on the best seats in the area. as we proceed to the front of there area we see a casket. A CASKET!!! our train of thought was "JULIO! YOU LIED! HOW ARE YOU GONNA TELL US WE ARE GOING TO SOMEBODY´S HOUSE AND NOT EVEN MENTION THAT THEY ARE DEAD! THERE IS A DEAD BODY JULIO! YOU COULD HAVE WARNED US!!!" we were freaking out. 1) because we had to sit literally a foot away from it, 2) we had to sing trading my sorrows for the 4804759q873598734th time and 3) did i mention the casket was OPEN!!!! that was a tough night. as soon as the service was over we shook hands, kissed cheeks, and PEACED OUT...

it was a strange night to say the least...

Thursday we planned to go to molino which is the next village over, to visit the pastor. well Anibal our fabulous translator (who encouraged us to use our Spanish more then he actually translates. we love him.) suggested we walk. it was only 3 miles and it is down the mountain so it wasn´t hard. well we decided to take a short cut which cuts the walking time in half. so we proceed down abut a million dirt steps that were literally cut out of the mountain. and let my tell you... walking down a mountain is just as hard sometimes and it is to walk up! once we got to the bottom we had to walk back up the other side which was hard as crap and then we walked back down to the river that runs between the mountains. it was so beautiful! if i wasn´t using a public computer i would upload the photos but i am so i can´t. it was a great day!

so Friday....

Friday we were scheduled to go to the local college and sing and preach the gospel. we were only given 15 minutes and it was REALLY risky because the government here is run mostly by catholic leadership and they REALLY don´t evangelists coming in and telling the truth!!! so we went and it was absolutely amazing. there were about 25 college students there and Sarah and i sang and one of the guys from the church preached. he was preaching about the youth of the country believing the lies of the enemy. what he was saying was really dangerous because the catholics have such a strong hold over Peru. for us to go into a government ruled establishment was bold and exciting. i really felt like God was there and was speaking through David. it was AWESOME!

later that day we went "fishing" in the river near panao with some of the young guys that work at the pananaria (bakery) that we always go to. well we did about 5 minutes of fishing and hiked for about 3 and a half hours. it was the hardest thing i have ever done but i don´t regret it. i had so much fun. one of the guys name was Lucho and he kept disappearing and then reappearing out of the trees! it was hilarious.

after dinner we went to the Internet cafe to check email and stuff like that and we got an email from boots holder the missionary we are working for down here and he said "you guys need to be back in Lima before the strike. be in Lima on the 6th." we where like WHAT!!! THAT'S TOMORROW!!! weren´t scheduled to leave until Tuesday and we had planned a Saturday night church service and 2 days worth of vacation bible school! we were freaking out. well apparently the miners are striking and they are closing off all roads that lead to and from Lima and it is scheduled to start on either Sunday or Tuesday. so we had to peace out early. and that sucks. but we were excited to see everyone again. but it is bad because if the strike is still going on the 10th then we won´t be able to go to the jungle. and that would be AWFUL!!!

pray that the strike ends SOON

pray that the teams get to Lima safely

pray that josh and justin got the email because they are an hour away from any contact to the outside world.

i hope everyone had an awesome 4th!!!

love love. (i now have over 600 pictures. be excited.)

the half way point.

2008-06-28T16:18:00.002-04:00

so i have been in peru for.... 3 weeks and 2 days. it really doesn't seem like it has been that long. but really its not that long if you really think about it...

so right now i am at the mission house in Lima for our break. We go back on monday.

can i just say right now that we have been blessed? can i? ok...

WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED!

let me tell you why...

first... we have been getting along pretty well with out a translator but it is hard to develope relationships with people without really knowing what they are saying. so last week kegan's church was in panao and they brought along 2 translators. it was awesome because we could communicate more effectivly and we could just understand better. we asked one of the translators if he would stay with us for the rest of the time we are going to be in the villages and PRAISE JESUS he said he would. so monday when we leave he will be with us.

second... we have a place to lay our head at night. despite the fact that there are chickens and pigs right outside our window that make noise all night long. that is ok because we have a bed and a sort of hot shower with the hot water heater on the shower head and if you touch it then you get electricuted but if you don't touch it and you don't get to close to the shower head then you are fine! its just like a normal shower. ish...

third... we are working with a church that is awesome! they are keeping us busy all the time and we are so thankful!!! the language barrier is somewhat tough to get through but that is ok!! we are managing! they love to take us to the square and play the guitar and have me and sarah sing all types of worship songs in english and spanish. and we have sung trading my sorrows about 20000000 times. but that is ok! we love it.

there are so many ways God has blessed us but i can't think of anymore right now!!! so anyway...

lets see... what else...

oh sarah's wallet got stolen. we were at a mcdonalds here in Lima and this guy sat directly behind us in the nearly empty restaurant. well he sat behind us and took her wallet out of her purse that was hanging on the back of her seat and calmly walked off. so we were like sarah check your purse and she did and it was opened and her wallet was gone. so sarah and kegan run out of the restaurant and catch the guy. the guys had the wallet wrapped us in a news paper. so kegan, who is a big guy, grabs the guys shoulder and we take him to the security guard that was really close by. well then he had to call the police and then we had to find one that spoke english so then after that we all went down to the police station. we were there for about 3 hours while sarah and the guy got questioned. we even met some british girls that got some of there junk stolen! that was cool! so finally sarah came out with a huge smile on her face and we were like "what happened?" and she said "HE GOT ARRESTED!!!" and we were like "YES!". so my partner got somebody arrested. SHE IS HARDCORE! i love her! it was a very exciting day.

honestly i don't know what i would do without sarah! she is another one of my blessings!!! she is so awesome!!! straight from God. anyway...

i have over 400 pictures and so many funny stories that i have to tell you all!!! oh man. good times.

anyway i must go! love love and double love with door knobs!!!

2008-06-18T11:34:00.002-04:00

so i tried to post a blog the other day but the computer i was working on was poop....

so much has happened since i blogged last. i am now in a village called panao which is a providence of pachitea. we are at 10,000 feet of elevation and it is beautiful up here. the mountains of peru are more amazing then i had ever imagined. it makes you wonder how people can think that there is no God, or how they can go on through out there lives not praising Him everyday. to be honest the night we got here my teammate and i had a mini nervous break down. we were terrified of coming to this place where we knew noone and had only each other and kegan our third teammate. only sarah (the one i had a nervous break down with) and i speak any spanish out of the three of us and even then it is not enough to tell people the word of God. we were going out of our minds almost in tears over the fact that we were literally being dropped on top of a mountain for 4 weeks with no knowledge of how we are to return to lima. in the midst of our freak out session our friend josh, who is spending his 4 weeks in santa cruz, gave us some great advise and encouraged us in an incredible way. he told us that we had nothing to worry about and that God would take care of us. well of course that is easy enough right? God will handle it and we have nothing to worry about... then satan says ¨yes you do. how are you supposed to get back to lima for your break after 2 weeks because the guy that dropped you off doesn´t know. who are you supposed to work with here? how are you three going to start bible studies and stuff like that when you don´t even have a church to work with? you can´t do this. you need to be at home because you are not good enough for it. don´t you miss everyone you were in lima and canta with for the past week and a half? you can´t do this without them. you are hopless and you should give up.¨ and we fell for it hook line and sinker... for about a half a day. then sunday came and larry the guy that dropped us off said that there was a church that morning and that we should go and meet the pastor because he is a great christian. thank you JESUS! finally we have somewhere to go. so we went sunday morning, we hopped a cab because it was in the village next to panao then we climbed the mountain to get to the church because you can´t drive on the roads up to the church. when we walked in it was like Jesus was saying ¨here, this is what you prayed for and i am giving it to you. because i love you and i am always with you.¨ the church had technology which is a rare find up here. (seriously, one night in canta we went to a church and it was lit by candle light. but the service was incredible!!!) they had a power point thing on the wall that had to words of the songs we sang and it had an outline of what the pastor was preaching on and everything. it was awsome. i gave my testimony in spanish and that was rough but God gave me the ability to speak spanish for a reason so i have to work hard to perfect it! the pastor has been amazing. he took us out on monday to different peoples houses in the villages and we got a chance to talk to them and read the bible to them in spanish. it was amazing. we went to a woman named maximine´s house and she is very ill. her house is literally made from brick and dirt. the floor is dirt and she sleeps on old potato sacks stuffed with grass. she has a 2 year old daughter who is beautiful. maximine´s uteris is inflamed and the surgery will cost 3000 soles which is like $1800. she can´t afford it and the only way for her to get better is to have the surgery. she is afraid of what will happen to her daughter when she dies. God really humbled me with that experience. Please pray for her and her daughter. we went to various other people´s homes and stores and we prayed for them and read the bible to them because most of the people here can´t read. and sometimes they are hearing the word of God for the first time. The children here are the most gorgeous children have ever met. they are so curious about everything and once they warm up to you they really love you. we had 3 little boys follow us around the whole village on monday. it was adorable. The pastor is thankful that we are here because it is easier to share the gospel with amaericans because the people are more interested and will listen. God has blessed us with an amazing ministry to work with here. This week we are working in the village just going house to house with the pastor and praying and reading and then next week we will be doing some other stuff in panao and working with the church there. we will be working with the pastors in 4 different villages thanks to the pastor here. the last week we will be having a huge concert for all the youth in the 4 villages. hopefully me and sarah will be singing. i can´t wait to see what God is going to do with us. unfortunatly yesterday me and sarah got sick and we had to stay in because the only bathroom that we knew of that had a toilet seat was the one in our hotel room. satan really ran with the fact that we were sick and he started to make us fear for our lives here and made us really homesick and made us miss our other teammates that are scattered through out peru. luckily God gave made us realize that it wasn´t us it was satan getting us down. he led me to matthew 28:19-20 which says...

¨Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you, and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.¨

God has been with us the whole time and all the time we were worrying and freaking out, God was right there saying ¨It´s ok I am here.¨ How awesome. God has done nothing but answer our prayers and bless us with great things. every fear we had about being here, every doubt we had has been completly dimolished by God´s grace and love for us. He loves us so much. He has given eveything we need to do His work here. Praise Him for that.

I am excited to come back with the memory of everything God has done this summer. and everything He will do.

God is working on my self image right now in a super way. He is teaching me how to be a Proverbs 31:10-31 woman. I am finding more beauty in myself through Him everyday. I know what kind of woman i am. Know what kind of man i deserve. and God will bring him to me in His time. I won´t settle for anyone that is not living for Him. i won´t settle for someone who isn´t ready. i am living for God. and right now He is all i need.

PRAYER REQUESTS!

pray for our ministry here.
pray for maximine and her family.
pray for the rest of the reap north summer missionaries and the work they are doing in their villages.

thanks. i love you all. don´t forger to sent me comments!

a quick little message...

2008-06-10T18:29:00.003-04:00

hey everyone! i have a quick minute to update you guys on what is going on...

so i am in a village called canta for this week. we are doing training excercises like going out into the village and evangalizing. i am trying to do it in spanish so ray that God will equip me with the language. sunday night we went to a church service at a small church in a village called pera marta. i think that is how you spell it. it was awesome!!! it is one thing to worship in the states where christianity isn´t as persecuted. but to see these peruvian people worship God was incredible. it really made it a world wide thing. but i have to go!! i love you guys!!

pray pray pray.

Um... what was that? Was that an earthquake? I think it was!!!

2008-06-07T10:34:00.003-04:00

Hola de Peru!!! (Hello from peru!)

i am here and i am safe! so far my experiences have been awesome. our theme verse for our mission is...

"The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witness, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also." 2 timothy 2:2

EXQUSITE!!! so this is what we will be doing while we are in peru...

1) tomorrow we will be traveling to a village called canta to begin some of our on the site training. we will be there for a week.

2) we will be coming back to lima to go and get things we are going to need for the next four weeks from a store called wong. its perus walmart. but cooler because it is peruvian.

3) then each of us will get broken up into teams and sent off to 4 different villages. we will be there for four weeks.

4) we come back and all of us are going to the jungle for a week where, our trusty missionaries have informed us, the percentage of people getting sick is a mere 75%. nice!

then we will go shopping and come home!!

Yesterday we went down to the beach which is gorgoeous btw and we ate at a mall that is built inside a mountain!!! and we went cosmic bowling. (pictures will come later!) we ate dinner at a resturant called padros and this guy ( no not a random guy.. he is on our team) ordered this beef dish and was asking all of us to try it... well we did. do you know what is was??? cow heart. yeah i did say cow heart!!! and it wasn´t bad. i will cook it for you all!!

oh we also got woken up by an earthquake this morning!!! but yeah other than that it has been good.

so far God has shown me that He can do anything and He doesn´t need us to do it. But he calls us anyway because He wants us. and loves us.

pray for us and our team! they are awesome!! i promise i will get into some more meaty stuff later but now i have to go. i love you guys!! and i miss you like crazy!!

food for thought: When a bunch of americans to go bowling in Peru, expect to be watched by the peruvians. literally...

love love and double love with door knobs!!!

The only thing to fear is fear itself.

2008-06-04T00:34:00.004-04:00

hmmm... i guess it has been a while since i have done this.

it is officially the day before i leave. even if it is midnight-ish. none the less it is still the day before i embark on an adventure. the adventure of a lifetime some would say. i would say that too.

so i am very excited but my excitement is muffled by my fear. no... not muffled... stifled. that's a more appropriate word. i guess i am afraid of the whole being in a country that i am not familiar with. i am afraid of not knowing what to do in certain situations. i am afraid of not being prepared. i am afraid of not being the vessel that God needs me to be. i am afraid of missing my family and my friends. i am afraid of coming back and everything being the same. i am afraid of not having everything i need. i am afraid that God will let me go out on the water in the middle of a storm and leave me to fend for myself while watching from the mountains. I am afraid of what i will learn about myself. i am afraid of being alone. i am afraid of my insecurity. I am afraid that God will break me into a million pieces and leave me to clean up the mess.

Kelly is gone. so that makes my fear a bit less because it lets me know that she got off ok and that she is fine. in a way it makes it a bit worse because now it is real. i am actually going to Peru. I am actually going to be gone all summer with people i barely know. i am really about to immerse myself in a COMPLETELY different culture. i just hope that someone misses me as much as i have missed her. she has been there for me and now that she is in Serbia i can't call her up when i need some encouragement. or when i need a reality check. she is good at that. and that is why i love her dearly.

i am going to miss my friends that are staying here. especially my flo town people. i have never found better friends then them and i probably never will. the calls in the middle of the night on my way back from a certain someones house were much needed. especially the ones where i just needed a audible shoulder to cry on. i will miss that very much.

but aside from all of that babble that just makes me cry...

i have all of my money! PRAISE GOD! I was very worried about that. now i am officially going. i am almost packed so all i have to do now is pick up a few more things from walmart and drive to Charlotte.

so... since my last post a lot has happened. not physical though. if that makes any sense. i have gone through many emotional scuffs. i use that word because they really aren't battles. they are just annoying little things that make me cry. there is one particular person that is the reason for the scuffs. there is a person that i have been friends with for a very long time that has had my heart since the day i met him. i have gotten over him and then fallen right back where i was in the beginning. i know that right now he is not the one for me. he is not where he needs to be in his walk with God. (well i say that because i am going on what we have talked about.) And i know that but every time i am with him it feels right. and that is not good because i start to expect stuff of him that he can not be. i find myself hoping for more than God is ready to give me. And then i tell myself not to get my hopes up with him because he might not be the one. but i can't ever picture myself with anyone else. maybe it is me just wanting to fill a void that was left when my heart was broken a year ago. maybe it is because i want to be able to say that i am in a relationship. what ever it is it has to stop!! because i can't waste my time thinking about this person any longer. there is no reason to. i am supposed to be working on being content being single but i am not. because i am surrounding my self with him and his family. i am talking about him constantly and i am not, by any means guarding my heart. and i HATE it. i want to be content with being single but i keep getting distracted. and satan loves that because he knows that this person is, right now, a weakness of mine. soon i hope he will be one of the things that keeps me strong. but now it he is one of the things holding me back from falling in love fully with Jesus Christ. i love God and i want to love Him more. More than i care for this person.

unrequited love is a beast. but when you replace it with God it becomes a beauty.

...

prayer please...

pray for my trip! what ever you feel like God is calling you to pray for then do it! mostly just pray for His will to be done in a earth shattering way.

continue to be in prayer for my Nana. she is getting better then worse then better then worse then better. so pray that she will be healed. if it is in God's will. i hope it is.

pray for my mom so that she will not go insane with worry and fear for me.

pray for my teammates.

pray for all the summer missionaries.

pray that God will replace my distraction with Himself.

that is all.

prayers heard and answered...

2008-05-11T18:57:00.004-04:00

Today was a good day. A very good day indeed. So i went to my home church today. It doesn't seem like that big of a deal but this is the church my ex boyfriend goes... or went... and so does his family. i was so nervous because i haven't seen him or his family in a year and i just got a text from him a few days ago saying that he doesn't hate me and that he is doing well and how he hopes i am too. to be honest it was an answered prayer because i was worried about him. i wasn't sure if he was still going to a church or even still following God. I prayed that God would let me know and 2 months later guess what... i got my answer! even if it was in a way that i had anticipated. but God does HIS will not mine. and that is what makes Him amazing. Anyway i was nervous so i sat in the parking lot for about 10 minutes reading my bible and listening to Barlow Girl's latest album. (which is AWESOME by the way) I was letting God calm me down and it was working. it was like as soon as i started reading, my heart stopped beating as fast. My mind stopped racing and i could breath. i was reading again out of Philippians 4:6-7.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God , which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (NASB)

hallelujah.

He wasn't there. My ex nor his family were at church. Part of me is relieved that it wasn't in Gods plan to have me see them today but the other part of me is like "Yall need to be at church!" This gave me a chance to really see Trinity for what it is. I had never looked at it as a house of God. Honestly. I had never looked at it as that. I thought of it as place where i could see my friends and my boyfriend. But it really is a great place. And it helped that i kind of had a couple of "bodyguards". Two of my friends Tommy and Marcus were sitting on either side of me so i was good!! They are two of my best guys friends and i felt completely protected. just me Jesus and Tommy and Marcus. Nice.

so all in all it was a good good day. the pastor talked about honoring you mother and father. It was on Proverbs 1:8 which says...

"Hear, my son, your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching;"

it was an awesome sermon. kudos to pastor rob! and to JESUS!

I am getting commissioned next Sunday! I was nervous but now I am so excited!! so that will be awesome!

hmmmm... i forgot what else i was going to say. anyway....

PRAYER REQUESTS

My Nana still. she can still barely walk.

My trip: funds, preparations and such.

Commissioning next week. Pray that God will continue to do his will and that He will be with me the whole way.

well that is it for now! have a great day!

27 Days and counting....

2008-05-09T17:13:00.000-04:00

First of all God is amazing in how He works. He has shown me so much in just the past few days....

So I leave in 27 days for Peru. I didn't realize how soon that really is until just now. There are times when you can feel satan tugging on you the hardest and now is one of those times. A good friend of mine asked our bible study this question a couple weeks ago, "Is your relationship with God so strong that satan knows your name?" I think at this moment satan knows my name. I think he is threatened by what God is using me for. Because i am being used. I can feel it in my everyday life. I can also feel when satan is trying to pull me away, and he is trying his hardest. But in those times I cry out to God and satan gets punched in the face. That is awesome!!! God is so strong and so amazing. I love it when I can personally see answers to prayers and I especially love it when he DOESN'T do it when I ask Him. It just humbles me more to have Him say "Tia I will do this in my time, not yours." It gives me faith that other stuff will get done when He sees fit. Like money for my trip. I know that God will provide the money to go and do His work. I have seen it and heard about it happening too many times to not believe. My friend Matt for example didn't have get all of his money until literally the day before he left!!! My best friend Kelly just got handed $1000 from some random person! That is God my friends. I believe that God will do it. I have given this situation to Him and He will handle it. I was reading out of Philippians last night and i came across Philippians 4:6-7 which says...

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of GOd , which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (NASB)

So that pretty much set me at ease. I knew I had to send out letters and stuff to let people know about the trip but the rest is up to God and frankly it is in the best hands it could be in.

so that is that.

PRAYER REQUESTS

My Grandmother just found out that she has arthritis in her knees and it is very painful for her and she can barely walk so keep her in your prayers please.

Also pray that God will continue to prepare my heart for this trip. I am very excited but I am also nervous. I know God will handle it but yeah still pray!

I have recently had a person come back into my life and I'm okay with it but it is still strange so pray that God will guard my heart and that His will would be done in it.

Keep praying for funds. Not so much that they will come in but more so that the people that give know that they are not giving to me, they are giving it to the growth of Gods kingdom. Money could come in all day long but if it is not given for the right reasons it has no business being given. You know what i'm saying g dogs?

well that is all for now.

Quote for the day:
"If there is no God, who is bowling when it thunders??"

tia nicole

MY NEW BLOG

2008-04-28T17:30:00.000-04:00

Hi my name is Tia and it rhymes with bobia. I am going to Peru so pray with me on my journey through the jungle!